It’s a normal and healthy part of a child’s development to feel down, to have cranky days, or to experience gloomy thoughts. At this part of their lives, all children are learning how to manage their emotions, and every child is different in how they approach emotional regulation.
However, maybe you’ve been seeing certain behaviours in your child that have made you concerned or worried. For example, has your child been more withdrawn lately by avoiding social interactions? Does it feel like they’re trying to push you away by acting out on purpose? Are their grades slowly starting to slip at school? Or do they seem visibly irritable and overwhelmed recently? If you said ‘yes’ to any of these questions, it could mean your child is experiencing childhood depression.
When it comes to childhood depression, these kinds of feelings go much deeper than at first glance. You may be the target of your child’s anger or even aggression in an attempt to push you away, and you’re not sure why. Or you get that parental gut feeling that your child, though they appear happy or content, is hiding their struggles behind a smile.
If you’re thinking, “That can’t be true, children don’t get depressed,” unfortunately, recent research reveals otherwise. According to a recent study, around 10-20% of young Canadian children will be diagnosed with a mental health issue in their later school years, with 70% of mental health issues in adults starting during childhood or adolescence. It’s also been found that 50-70% of children who experience depression are at risk of their depression returning within 5 years.
Depression could affect children’s thinking, mood, and behaviour. When going through depression, children can lose their self-confidence, fall behind at school, or become more socially withdrawn. They can also become more involved in their schoolwork, pushing themselves toward burnout, preferring to be alone, and pretending that everything is okay. Meanwhile they’ve got some big feelings going on, and most likely are processing them for the very first time and do not know how to deal with their emotions.
With all this in mind, you may be wondering if it’s time to seek professional help for your child or not. That’s why we created this guide: to help you better understand what your child may be feeling, and how to know it’s time to reach out and ask for assistance. Keep reading to learn what the signs of childhood depression are and when to seek professional help for your child.
How to Tell If Your Child is Depressed
If you notice the following signs in your child and they last longer than two weeks, your child may be depressed.
Emotional or Behavioural Changes:
- Appearing sad or unhappy frequently.
- Seeming extra irritable, cranky, or aggressive; for example they won’t do what is asked of them, or they have frequent anger meltdowns or tantrums.
- Unhappy thoughts are spoken out loud: “I’m no good at anything.” “No one likes me.”
- Guilt and guilty thoughts are also spoken: “It’s all my fault.”
- Frequently worried or afraid.
- Complaining about an upset head or tummy, with no physical or medical cause.
Changes in Interest and Everyday Activities:
- Lower energy than usual.
- Withdrawing from friends and family; sometimes acting out to push them away.
- Reduced interest in playing or doing things you know they enjoy.
- Poor sleeping patterns such as struggling to fall asleep or get out of bed, sleeping too much, restlessness, and frequent nightmares.
- Eating issues such as emotional or bored eating, eating more or less than usual.
- Inability to concentrate, remember, or make simple decisions.
Changes in School Behaviour and Academic Performance:
- Refusal to take part in or withdrawal from school activities, for example sports, art, or music.
- Grades start going down.
- Complaining about not fitting in or getting along with their peers.
This is far from an exhaustive list, however it does cover a lot of the signs. Now, what if you have the feeling something may be going on with your child, yet they appear to be happy, content and functional?
An oxymoron is two terms or words that don’t make sense together; in this guide’s case, we’re referring to what’s called smiling depression.
What is Smiling Depression?
This is a real form of depression where someone appears to be happy and thriving on the outside, and meanwhile they’re struggling on the inside.
Those with smiling depression learn to be good at hiding their symptoms. Therefore, as parents, we may be more likely to identify some of the physical and behavioural signs as an indication our children are struggling.
Such signs include:
- Sleeping issues—long naps during the day, struggling to get out of bed, staying up all hours of the night, waking up frequently, or nightmares.
- Eating issues—emotional eating, eating out of boredom, eating more or less than usual, appetite changes, or fluctuation in weight.
- Body aches or headaches.
- Restlessness and irritability.
- Extreme reactions such as sudden emotional outbursts to what they feel is criticism or rejection.
- Substance abuse, in more extreme cases.
Why Would My Child Hide Behind a Smile?
Smiling depression doesn’t fit the stereotype of typical depression, therefore those close to the child who’s struggling may fail to notice what’s going on.
Children who are faced with smiling depression will often have a strong support system and resources at their disposal, and yet they still feel like they are unable to express that they are struggling. It’s particularly true when you’re a part of a culture that stigmatizes mental health issues, or a family dynamic that puts pressure on self-reliance and willpower to push through challenging times, rather than speaking up and asking for help. In cases like these, children may feel struggling emotionally is a sign of being weak or lack of personal character.
If a child has previously shared how they’re feeling and been told to “snap out of it” or “try harder,” they may feel discouraged to bring it up again. Children that are more likely to have smiling depression are often more easily embarrassed and humiliated, afraid of failing, and tend to be perfectionists. They give themselves higher expectations and don’t want to disappoint others or change the image that others have of them as successful and positive.
Since signs of smiling depression are more subtle than the aforementioned list of childhood depression signs, it’s important for us as parents to keep communication and connection with our children even if they appear to be doing well. When we encourage open conversation and listen to our children rather than judge them, they feel more comfortable with being honest about their emotions. Our children need to hear that their parents won’t be disappointed in them if they aren’t “perfect,” and that asking for help is a sign of strength and not an imperfection.
When to Seek Professional Help for Your Child’s Depression
Whether you see outward visual signs of depression or suspect smiling depression, the time for seeking professional help for your child is now.
Speak with your child about sadness and depression. Your child may not know why they are feeling what they are feeling and why things seem difficult. Let them know you see they’re struggling and ask what their needs are. Listen, comfort, offer support and show them love.
Speak with your child’s doctor. Let your child’s primary care provider know what your child is going through, that you’ve noticed a pattern of behaviour not like your child that has gone on over a few weeks. Let them know if you’ve noticed any changes in energy, sleep, or eating, and if they’re dealing with a loss, hardship, or big stress. Their doctor can give a physical exam to check for health issues that could potentially cause your child’s symptoms. They can also screen for depression and may refer you to or suggest therapy.
Book a therapy appointment. At Hopewoods, our compassionate team specializes in child and teen therapy. We do in-depth assessments complete with active listening and gently asked questions.
Take your child to their therapy visits. Depending on your child’s individual needs, we may suggest a few visits or more. Therapy takes time, however you will see active progress during your child’s therapy journey.
Practice patience and kindness. If your child becomes moody or difficult, please be patient with them. Speak to your child’s therapist about how to best respond when they exhibit this behaviour. It often helps to connect with your child calmly, and then guide them toward behaviour that benefits their well-being more. It lets them feel proud of how they’re doing and see that you’re proud too.
Like adults, children can be depressed too, whether they show it outwardly or hide it behind a smile. If you feel your child is depressed, don’t hesitate in seeking professional help. We’re here to guide your child through their struggles and towards a healthy and fulfilling life.
If you have any questions or concerns regarding our psychotherapy sessions, any assessments, or other services that we offer, contact us today or book a free 30-minute consultation.
by